The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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