i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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