I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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