I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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