I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
