did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
