btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
