I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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