You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
