Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
