We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
