Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
