sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
