so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
