She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He? As in you personified your dick?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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