Got a toothbrush?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
