Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
