This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
