wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
