they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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