i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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