I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
