Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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