Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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