HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
