I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
