This girl is more easily done than said...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
