the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
