did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
