Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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