omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
