He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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