i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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