life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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