I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
