My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
