What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
