I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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