Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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