tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
