I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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