i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
