how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
