my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
