remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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