So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
