I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
time to smoke my breakfast
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
