Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
