Just cropdusted the office
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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