Texts From Last Night

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  (207): View more from Maine

  life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.

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  (207): life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony. http://tfl.nu/6vet
  Replies (18) Good night (1039) Bad night (2807)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.

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  (843): When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done. http://tfl.nu/np50
  Replies (11) Good night (5413) Bad night (891)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god

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  (815): The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god http://tfl.nu/samd
  Replies (26) Good night (766) Bad night (3929)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.

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  (303): That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now. http://tfl.nu/5jdl
  Replies (13) Good night (5953) Bad night (1133)
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  (854): View more from

  i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews

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  (854): i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews http://tfl.nu/lvjo
  Replies (8) Good night (1842) Bad night (894)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL

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  (859): IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL http://tfl.nu/qlmv
  Replies (4) Good night (3005) Bad night (927)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today

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  (847): The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today http://tfl.nu/8pjx
  Replies (7) Good night (2800) Bad night (1005)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.

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  (815): There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed. http://tfl.nu/rw7p
  Replies (4) Good night (3199) Bad night (869)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea

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  (406): K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea http://tfl.nu/3xax
  Replies (9) Good night (845) Bad night (1205)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.

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  (603): You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win. http://tfl.nu/zmbp
  Replies (3) Good night (1144) Bad night (520)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath

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  (807): Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath http://tfl.nu/x0dh
  Replies (7) Good night (2674) Bad night (601)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?

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  (516): Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji? http://tfl.nu/gce4
  Replies (4) Good night (413) Bad night (674)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,

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  (970): my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off, http://tfl.nu/5tu5
  Replies (3) Good night (633) Bad night (346)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.

  (641): View more from Iowa

  I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.

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  (641): Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground. (641): I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall. http://tfl.nu/v6jy
  Replies (1) Good night (327) Bad night (223)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.

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  (425): When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately. http://tfl.nu/qs87
  Replies (1) Good night (588) Bad night (149)

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