Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
