my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.