Texts From Last Night

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  (989): View more from Michigan

  News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.

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  (989): News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus. (1-989): Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right. http://tfl.nu/jho0
  Replies (22) Good night (4702) Bad night (1071)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college

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  (651): i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college http://tfl.nu/vjhh
  Replies (37) Good night (6932) Bad night (675)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.

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  (601): It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed. http://tfl.nu/yhbt
  Replies (15) Good night (1399) Bad night (5676)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.

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  (815): I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire. http://tfl.nu/5e7s
  Replies (9) Good night (6413) Bad night (1786)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch

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  (804): She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch http://tfl.nu/datu
  Replies (14) Good night (4377) Bad night (1265)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.

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  (617): I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis. http://tfl.nu/8mhm
  Replies (9) Good night (1777) Bad night (4125)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.

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  (256): I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him. http://tfl.nu/7zd5
  Replies (23) Good night (1272) Bad night (5875)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day

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  (217): I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day http://tfl.nu/8h3x
  Replies (9) Good night (1031) Bad night (2186)
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  (631): View more from New York

  she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly

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  (631): she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly http://tfl.nu/zoqz
  Replies (6) Good night (1806) Bad night (1008)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.

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  (931): Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever. http://tfl.nu/3e6h
  Replies (4) Good night (1554) Bad night (625)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.

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  (850): I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl. http://tfl.nu/bohf
  Replies (7) Good night (1314) Bad night (526)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.

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  (908): But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying. http://tfl.nu/oo2a
  Replies (14) Good night (712) Bad night (1429)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.

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  (559): I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs. http://tfl.nu/m1ws
  Replies (2) Good night (1062) Bad night (565)
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  (619): View more from California

  I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.

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  (619): I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers. http://tfl.nu/goy8
  Replies (4) Good night (747) Bad night (355)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  You cant use biscuit as a chaser

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  (478): You cant use biscuit as a chaser http://tfl.nu/ones
  Replies (2) Good night (291) Bad night (150)

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