Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter

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  (305): You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter http://tfl.nu/j7mv
  Replies (1) Good night (1656) Bad night (767)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.

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  (913): your life is more of a joke than dina lohan. (1-913): if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan. http://tfl.nu/safo
  Replies (7) Good night (818) Bad night (1880)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?

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  (630): Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to? http://tfl.nu/fqx3
  Replies (52) Good night (8755) Bad night (1413)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger

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  (717): He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger http://tfl.nu/u6xr
  Replies (22) Good night (1492) Bad night (5166)
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  (530): View more from California

  is this the sara with the beer cane?

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  (530): is this the sara with the beer cane? http://tfl.nu/bsnc
  Replies (12) Good night (3331) Bad night (1032)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.

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  (541): he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'. http://tfl.nu/j3su
  Replies (11) Good night (3791) Bad night (1630)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.

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  (602): I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during. http://tfl.nu/nbdy
  Replies (3) Good night (2177) Bad night (886)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.

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  (847): Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised. http://tfl.nu/qe86
  Replies (7) Good night (2767) Bad night (1281)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.

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  (304): as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now. http://tfl.nu/olha
  Replies (8) Good night (3670) Bad night (1426)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.

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  (918): The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals. http://tfl.nu/o5rq
  Replies (4) Good night (2313) Bad night (1920)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro

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  (902): Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro http://tfl.nu/z3ei
  Replies (10) Good night (3107) Bad night (1089)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram

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  (508): in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram http://tfl.nu/qw4a
  Replies (12) Good night (839) Bad night (1005)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa

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  (815): yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are (815): Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa http://tfl.nu/l4r8
  Replies (2) Good night (812) Bad night (403)
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  (831): View more from California

  Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"

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  (831): Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over" http://tfl.nu/jc5k
  Replies (1) Good night (823) Bad night (375)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.

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  (509): People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis. http://tfl.nu/hrpb
  Replies (2) Good night (863) Bad night (333)

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