Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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