We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
