Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize