halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize