why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
