So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
