I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
