i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
