even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize