so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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