if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
