S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
