Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
