Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
