I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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