Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
