You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
