Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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